The Last Lecture

Key Takeaways

Randy Pausch’s lecture-turned-book, written as he was dying. Kyle’s highlights are almost all about feedback, effort and fathering:

• The diagnostic that stings. “When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you.”
• Self-esteem is earned, not conferred. “There’s only one way to help kids develop self-esteem: you give them something they can’t do, they work hard until they find they can do it” — the same argument Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother makes from a different culture.
• Feedback is the hard part of teaching. “Getting people to welcome feedback was the hardest thing I ever had to do as an educator.” Kyle adds his own note about hesitating to give it.
• Complaining as misallocated energy. “If you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you’d be surprised how well things can work out.”
• The shortcut is the long way. “A lot of people want a shortcut. I find the best shortcut is the long way, which is basically two words: work hard.”
• His father’s standard. He’d “prefer that I worked hard and became the best ditch-digger in the world rather than” coast at something prestigious.
• Permission to create. The wall-painting story — “that explanation was enough for my father… He encouraged creativity just by smiling at you” — which Kyle marks with a note about the kind of father he wants to be.

Connections

Books: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother — the same earned-confidence argument. How Will You Measure Your Life · Man’s Search For Meaning on living toward an end.

Concepts: Parenting · Feedback · Law of the Harvest — “the best shortcut is the long way” belongs there.

People: Randy Pausch.

• Great Speeches — Randy Pausch’s two speeches are listed in Kyle’s Great Speeches canon: “Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” (the lecture this book is based on) and “Time Management.”

Highlights

• “My imagination was always pretty hard to contain, and halfway through high school, I felt this urge splash some of the thoughts swirling in my head onto the walls of my childhood bedroom. I asked my parents for permission.
• ‘I want to paint things on my walls,’ I said.
• ‘Like what?’ they asked.
• ‘Things that matter to me,’ I said. ‘Things I think will be cool. You’ll see.’

Kyle: That explanation was enough for my father. That’s what was so great about him. He encouraged creativity just by smiling at you.”

• “When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything yo you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you.”

Kyle: There’s only one way to help kids develop self-esteem: “You give them something they can’t do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process.”

• “Getting people to welcome feedback was the hardest thing I ever had to do as an educator.”

Kyle: Side note: I’ve often found myself in this situation where I see what someone is doing, or what they’re working on, or struggling with, and I want to offer help. I’ll say things that I think are supportive. Instead of being grateful (or offended) people usually say, “yeah, we did XYZ which is basically the same.” I have yet to figure out a way to effectively say, “I love you. I love what you’re doing! I’d like to come together, combine our mental efforts, and lift what you’re doing to a higher plane.”

• “I’ve always believed that if you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you’d be surprised by how well things can work out.”
• “A lot of people want a shortcut. I find the best shortcut is the long way, which is basically two words: work hard. As I see it, if you work more hours than somebody else, during those hours you learn more about your craft. That can make you more efficient, more able, even happier. Hard work is like compounded interest in the bank. The rewards build faster.”

Kyle: Something his father said to him: “He said he’d prefer that I worked hard and become the best ditch-digger in the world rather than coasting along as a self-impressed elitist behind a desk.” Kyle: Side note: I have no idea what kind of dad I’m going to be. But one thing I know, I want my kids to know that I believe in the idea that ‘whatever you are, you should be a good one.’ There are some things that I’ve struggled to understand and get excited about. Medicine is one. I fully understand the importance of medicine, and people becoming doctors. But I’ve never been able to get overly excited about the discussion. Maybe it’s because I don’t always understand the intricacies. But if my child wants to be a doctor, or an artist, an author, or a race car driver, I expect them to work hard and be good at it.