How to Swim with Sharks: A Primer
TL;DR — A two-page satire on surviving academic and institutional politics, disguised as marine safety advice.
By ‘Voltaire Cousteau’, a pseudonym. “Actually, nobody wants to swim with sharks. It is not an acknowledged sport and it is neither enjoyable nor exhilarating.”
Six rules, delivered deadpan as genuine safety guidance: assume unidentified fish are sharks, do not bleed, counter aggression promptly, get out if attacked, and — the best one — do not slap at a shark, since all sharks will converge on disorder.
It is about academic medicine, and everyone who has worked in an institution recognises it immediately. Two pages, and the extended metaphor never once breaks.
Where this came from
2 pages. A copy is archived locally against link rot; the header links the original source.