Kyle Harrison
video

4 Styles of Parenting

Sprouts (YouTube) 2019 View original ↗

4 Styles of Parenting

Author: Sprouts (YouTube animated explainer; the video’s own title is “5 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Life” — Kyle filed it as four) URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyO8pvpnTdE One-line: Diana Baumrind’s parenting styles — authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, neglectful, plus the over-involved “snowplow” — and what each produces in the child; the authoritative style, demanding and responsive at once, is the one that builds resilience.

Key claims

  • Authoritarian — strict rules and obedience without considering the child; emotions suppressed to earn love; the child never learns what she wants and lives a life that looks perfect and feels unfulfilled.
  • Permissive — the child has complete control and gets whatever he wants; grows up without borders, never having coped with conflict or learned to control his emotions.
  • Authoritative (Kyle’s highlight) — respects the child’s needs but sets limits with freedom inside them: play freely, then tidy up; ice cream, but only on Sundays; 30 minutes of screens. Conflict is allowed, the parent listens, then lays down the rule; the child learns that hard things are doable with support, endures hardship, keeps following his interests, expresses opinions appropriately and agrees to rules he understands.
  • Neglectful — absent; the child gets what she wants but no feedback or attention, and cannot form healthy relationships or a positive self-image.
  • Over-involved / helicopter — snowplows who remove every obstacle; these children avoid difficult problems and protest at effort.
  • The four styles are Diana Baumrind’s, on two axes: demandingness and responsiveness. Maria Montessori: “Never help a child with a task they believe they can achieve.”

Notable quotes

  • Watched “4 Styles of Parenting” Parenting
    • URL::
    • Notes::
      • Styles
        • Authoritarian
          • Believe strict rules are important to make child become well behaved and fit in
          • Controlling and demand obedience without the consideration of their child
          • When they cry, they’re told to stop. When they talk back, they’re sent to the corner. When they don’t do their chores, they lose their toys.
          • “Suppressing her emotions and following her duties is the way to get her parents love and avoid making them upset.”
          • Because they can’t decide for themselves or follow their own interests, they don’t know what they really want.
          • They begin living a life that seems perfect to her parents and society, but leaves her unfulfilled on the inside
        • Permissive
          • Kids have complete control over their parents and gets whatever they want
          • Grows up completely without borders and never coped with conflict or learned to control his emotions
        • ^^Authoritative^^
          • Respect their child’s needs but believe kids need freedom with certain limits
          • Can freely play, but when he’s done he needs to help tidy up
          • Allowed to eat ice cream, but only on Sundays
          • Screen time is limited to 30 minutes a day
          • There may be conflict, but parents listen to what child has to say and then lay down the rules
          • Learns that some things are difficult but parents give all the support they need to get through it
          • Develops strength to endure hardship and continue following his interest and passions
          • In class he bravely expresses his opinions in an appropriate manner
          • During breaks he can show emotions and act freely
          • As an adult they agree to rules when they’ve been discussed and he understands them
        • Neglectful
          • Not present in their children’s lives and the child gets whatever they want but receives very little feedback or attention
          • Unable to form healthy relationships and develops a negative image of herself
        • Over-Involved Helicopter Parenting
          • Snow plows who remove obstacles for their kids, or who hover about not letting their children do anything alone
          • These children don’t like to solve difficult problems, and will even protest when something requires effort
      • Four styles created by Diana Baumrind: Balance demandingness and responsiveness
      • Maria Montessori: “Never help a child with a task they believe they can achieve”
      • Spectrum

How it connects

  • Parenting — the tag Kyle filed this under.
  • Helicopter Parenting — the fifth, over-involved style.
  • Diana Baumrind · Maria Montessori

Referenced in